Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
