There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
