i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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