I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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