I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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