I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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