Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
