im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
