Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
