im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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