I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Randomize
