Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
