distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
