chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
