I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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