well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
