just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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