$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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