Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize