haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize