she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
