just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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