i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
we're so committed to being not committed
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize