I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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