i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words...techno handjob
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize