paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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