I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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