Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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