hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
