i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?