So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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