I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.