I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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