Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Terrible idea I love it
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
