i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize