can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
