My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
