i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
well you can't waste a boner
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
