I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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