Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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