someone threw a dead crab at me
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
