When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
