I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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