What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
