I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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