butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
