Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
