I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
