ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
