one two three fourrrrnication!
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize