Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
What drink are we having for lunch?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
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