worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
