I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
