Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
