The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
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