Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
