The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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