you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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