bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
