Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
