I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he thought i was a dude.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
