he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
