Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
