apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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