i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
