my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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