See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize